Rant or cry

Posted On November 30, 2004

Filed under Personal

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I haven’t been writing for days. I was trying to figure out what am I going to do with my life. How possible that I have a life when I only work, play games and sleeps everyday. Is that a life? Pathetic, isn’t it?

People of my age are busying life outside while I only stay in. It’s not right, but do I have any choice? No. Money is so important to us that no one will sit down quietly and think, “What will I do if I’m all broke?” The fact that I’d learnt from this life is, plentiful stay out, penniless stays in. Stay in does saves a lot. Every single cent is useful. Pathetic but true.

How much longer can I stay in? I’m suffocating right now. I want OUT. I scream to go out! No one can help anyway. I’ll just rant here, or whatever.

I get to chat with Apirak for a long time today. It had been long. We’d never been talking much in messenger. He is lucky that he manage to further his studies in US. Before he went, both of us were planning to go. In fact, it was I that wanted to go. I was anxious back then. Lastly, he is the one that manage to go while I stay back. I feel like crying when he said he got everything done and can go to US. I thought somehow, I’d lost my friend. It never happened, I was silly that’s all.

I’d been holding back everything I’d planned. I stepped on the brake and put a halt on everything. I just couldn’t go further. No financial support, no moral support, just nothing. I live in emptiness for many years and still am.

I’m trying to figure out myself what should I do next. What I planned to do is too risky, I might be not able to live at all. I just don’t want to think. Enjoying life is most important.

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